So here's my list:
10 "OH NO YOU DIDN'T" Moments
- Washable Marker Incident. When my little girl was about 2 years old, she loved to color...on everything, including herself. So one day, she runs by me with markers in hand, and I stop her to check them out. After reading "Washable" on the barrel (Washable has been my friend since having children), I told her that her markers were fine because they were washable. You'd have to understand how literal minded this child has always been...she took me at my word. A few minutes later, I heard water running down the hallway, and went in search of my mischievous child. I found her "washing" her markers in the sink. All I could do was laugh...and still laugh whenever I think of it. I did say "WASHABLE".
- A Mini Hairdresser. Oh the irony that #2 should be about my little girl again. At age 2, and they don't call them "Terrible 2's" for nothing, Izzy decided she needed a hair cut...right before Christmas. She only got her bangs, fortunately, and not her eye, before I discovered her.
- Cutting Hair Twice Does NOT A Hairdresser Make. Yes, you guessed it. Shortly before Izzy turned 4, she cut her hair again. This time, she got her bangs, and chopped off a good portion of a piggy(tail). I had to lay down after this one. Hubby still doesn't get why this was so upsetting to me. She is now 5, and her hair has finally grown enough to look normal.
- A Budding Picasso. This one involves my son. When he was about 11 months old, he got a hold of a Sharpie (Hubby has to take the blame for this along with #2 and #3 for leaving things out where little fingers can get them). It is still a mystery as to exactly what Jack thought the Sharpie was meant for because he stuck it in his ear. Of course, I noticed this right before I was getting ready to leave the house with him for picture day. I was a bit hysterical as I called the nurse. Hey, he was my firstborn, and this is why he has issues. LOL Anyways, the nurse laughed at me. Can you believe it? I was having a crisis situation and the nurse laughs. Turns out, a little baby oil takes Sharpie right off skin. So, this "Oh No You Didn't" is actually about me.
- The Third Nipple. Perhaps that title is a bit graphic, but this is the best way to describe it. You have to understand that I had about 6 hours of sleep in a 4 day period around the time my Jack was born. I was having a lot of trouble getting him to latch on during my pitiful attempts at breastfeeding. There was a moment of absolute pride, as the nurse came in to check on us, and I told her that I was finally able to get him to latch on all by myself. She then asked if I'd been able to get him to breastfeed on the other side, and I said no because, heck this was a miracle that I'd been able to get him to latch on at all, and as far as I was concerned he could stay right there for the duration. Bathroom navigation might have eventually become an issue, but again...6 hours of sleep in 4 days...I was entitled to not think straight. So the nurse explains why it would be best if I could get him to latch on to the other side. Okay, lady, but you're going to have to help me. That's when we discovered the third nipple. Ha! I'm giggling as I type this. Apparently, Jack didn't latch onto the "right" spot. Thus, the third nipple. Hey, I know you're laughing, too. Did I tell you he has issues?!
- The Eye Roll. My daughter is already quite sassy and has perfected the eye roll already. In fact, she was pretty good at this by age 3. A few months back, we were sitting at the dinner table, and hubby reprimanded Izzy for something she did. This was followed up with the eye roll...at age 5. Hubby was not impressed, for lack of a better description, and quickly said "Don't you roll your eyes at me, young lady!" About mid-roll (second round), his meaning caught on. Suddenly, there Izzy sits, staring up at the ceiling. Of course, we both know why this is, and when hubby asked her what she was looking at, she says "The light is burnt out." LOL Quick thinking, but wrong conclusion. The light wasn't on. Oh, she's a handful, all right.
- Growing Boobies. Izzy is so not going to like me one day for this one. <Insert Evil Laugh> Around the same time frame, a few months back, Izzy made a recent discovery of bras. She would find one of mine, wrap it around herself and run through the house with her mischievous giggles. Since someone was coming to the door, I made a mad dash for it and retrieved it just in time. A little while later, we were getting dressed up for an occasion, and Izzy asks me if she can wear a bra, too. I explained to her that she wasn't big enough for them yet, and gave her the typical response of not growing up too fast. She then squeezed her chest together and says "Look Mama! I'm growing boobies!" Oh my....
- I'm Sexy and I Know It. Last Fall, I was dropping my son off to school one morning, and since it was early, he wanted to play outside with his friends. After securing his backpack in his locker, I stuck my head out the door as the bell rang to remind him to ride the bus home. I overheard Jack and his friend singing "I'm Sexy and I Know It". Um...we don't even listen to that kind of music, so I was surprised to hear him singing this...at age 6, no less.
- Rolled Up in the Paper Towel. Hubby reminded me of this story recently. Back when he was about 5th grade, I think, he had this teacher that was also a Pastor. Needless to say, this teacher could be interpreted as being fairly religious. Hubby had this idea to roll up a Playboy centerfold in the paper towel dispenser. You can guess who found it as they went to wipe their hands. I don't even want to guess how he got his hands on a centerfold at that young of an age.
- Charlie's Angels. When I was about 5 years old, I remember watching this Charlie's Angels episode where the car door opened up as it was travelling at a high speed down the road. One of the girls fell out of the moving car. Being a curious 5 year old, I thought about this for some time, and tried to figure out how such an incident didn't kill or seriously injure the actress. But, also being the more safety-conscious of the family (brother was anything but), I decided that if we were going to re-enact this scene, it should be done at a much slower speed. So one day, I devised myself a plan (always loved that line from "One Piece At A Time") that I was going to give this a try. But of course, it made more sense for my brother to be the guinea pig. At that particular time, brother seemed resistant to my idea, so I did what any big sister would and pushed him. Now, mind you, mom was pulling into the driveway when I decided that brother and I were going to be Charlie's Angels. Right after he "fell out" of the car, I jumped right behind him, but miscalculated my timing, and I hit the mailbox post, while he rolled into the ditch in the soft grass. I blame this part on him because he cost me seconds when I had to push him out. *Giggle*
And now you see why #1 through #8 are purely our fault, and why our children have issues. It's that pesky apple falling from the tree thing. P.S. No one was seriously harmed in the making of these events.